Miscarriage and Holding Dearly

Miscarriage and Holding Dearly

If you have been following along on my Instagram or Facebook accounts, you heard about my recent miscarriage.  This was my first miscarriage.

In the past, I sometimes wondered how I would react in this situation. I’m not sure anything can prepare you for it.

From the moment you get that positive pregnancy test, that baby starts to change your world.

Grieving Miscarriage and Finding Hope

I immediately started taking my health extremely serious. Plans and dreams began to take shape.

Every week our family would read on Pinterest about the baby’s size (compared to a fruit) and stage of development. All week long it’s name be “baby raspberry”, then “baby lime”, etc.

Psalm 127:3 became deeply meaningful to me:

“Behold, children are a heritage and gift from the Lord.  The fruit of the womb, a reward.”

We started collecting name ideas and a few tiny clothes. All gray and white, this time.

We decided the baby would sleep in the pretty, little alcove in our bedroom.  I found some wallpaper with tiny deer on it.

We interviewed midwives.

I signed up for the nursery for next year’s homeschool co-op.

It is amazing how many things are set in motion, in expectation. . . . and you begin to fall in love.

Grieving Miscarriage and Finding Hope

It was going to be our “do over” baby.  Not in a terrible way, just a “now we know what to do better” way. My youngest is almost twelve.

I kept detailed journals on the first three pregnancies, births and baby years.  Reading them now is a little sobering. I see how much of what was important to me really didn’t matter.

I wish I hadn’t stressed over all the material items and the milestones. I wish I could have enjoyed my children even more than I did.

My husband and I decided right away that we would purpose to enjoy every moment of this baby’s life.

And so we did.

Those three months were probably the happiest days of our lives.

The Miscarriage

But, on a Saturday morning a couple of weeks ago, there was cramping and bleeding.  Not a good combination, according to my midwife. I stayed in bed all day and worked on the blog.

After lunch, things quieted down and I thought maybe we would be OK.

But, by four o’clock I was in labor.

Here is a photo my friend took (through the stair railing) of my two daughters around me while I was in the tub.

Grieving Miscarriage and Finding Hope

At 6:55 PM, I birthed my tiny baby.

Too soon. Too soon for this world.

There was wailing at my house.

Below is my announcement on Instagram, click on the image to read the full announcement.

Grieving Miscarriage and Finding Hope

At first I wasn’t going to share my story with the world.

But, I am learning that vulnerability can be a beautiful thing.

Taking the time and space for grief is healthy.  So many women feel tremendous loss after miscarriage and are confused by the power of these feelings.

They do not know how to heal.  They keep busy and try to forget.

And so I took a chance and hit the publish button, because maybe I could help another woman.

The Following Week

What happened next, I will never forget.

People started sending me peonies, my house was filled with them.

Over 400 women have reached out to me with their stories and sympathy. I’m talking -most of these women are total strangers!

Women were crying, grieving with me. Sending my gifts. Some of them saying they are finally able to grieve their miscarriages after reading my story.

A reader from Indiana even planted a garden for me and my baby! Are you kidding me?  She called it her “She Holds Dearly garden”.  I was speechless.

Never in my entire life have I felt so loved by so many women.  I actually believe that people can help carry one another’s grief and that is what it was like.  People surrounded me and brought me so much comfort.

The Funeral

Five different things have happened that tell me the baby was a girl.   So we  are going with that. I had six little girl names picked out, all with the middle name Wren.

We named her “Wren”, our little bird who flew away too soon.

My husband said we could do the funeral on Father’s Day.

It would be just the five of us. So tiny and intimate, but still honoring.

I had the grave marker carved in marble.

Grieving Miscarriage and Finding Hope

My husband I had walked our property and chosen a spot. Under the Italian plum tree, next to the strawberries.  The kids and I made strawberry cupcakes for after the ceremony. The one with the strawberry would have been for Wren.

Grieving Miscarriage and Finding Hope

 

Grieving Miscarriage and Finding Hope

 

Grieving Miscarriage and Finding Hope

Grieving Miscarriage and Finding Hope

Watching my husband carefully dig that tiny, perfect grave pierced my heart.

It felt like something a pioneer father would do.

Grieving Miscarriage and Finding Hope

Grieving Miscarriage and Finding Hope

 

Grieving Miscarriage and Finding Hope

For an hour and half, we just prayed, shared our dreams and listened to all each other’s questions and stories.

We shared what we have learned, we read the Bible and worshipped God for being sovereign and merciful through it all.

Grieving Miscarriage and Finding Hope

Here are the songs we chose:

Grieving Miscarriage and Finding Hope

Grieving Miscarriage and Finding Hope

Grieving Miscarriage and Finding Hope

Then, we each took turns shoveling the earth back,

over all that we had left of her.

Grieving Miscarriage and Finding Hope

 

The physical act of burying was tremendously hard for me. I had to pray to get through it.

Grieving Miscarriage and Finding Hope

My son spent some time saying good- bye to a little sister he has yet to meet.

Grieving Miscarriage and Finding Hope

Our final step was to release balloons, one for each family member.

Grieving Miscarriage and Finding Hope

We played Somewhere Over the Rainbow, which was my favorite song when I was a little girl.

Grieving Miscarriage and Finding Hope

Grieving Miscarriage and Finding Hope

When it was my turn, I started crying and said, “I don’t want to let go.”

The irony was not lost on us.

Again, I prayed to get through it.

Grieving Miscarriage and Finding Hope

Lessons Learned

  • Living in the moment and not being afraid to lose something is worth the risk of pain. I do not regret how happy we were.
  • Healing/ Grieving is one step at a time and it comes in waves
    1. First, I had to heal physically.
    2. Then, emotionally. This is taking longer. Time alone praying, time with family, asking questions, being held, crying, randomly saying things that we miss or wish for- all these things are helping.
  • I need more pictures of my family and I want to read to them each night, until they leave the house. I want to hold all of my children more dearly.
  • Women are a powerful force to be reckoned with, when women are transparent and compassionate to each other, we can change the world.

Grieving Miscarriage and Finding Hope

Every year when the peonies bloom and the strawberries turn red, I will remember. I will remember our little Wren.

 

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Remodeling and Marriage

Finding Our Way Home

 

 

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75 Comments

  1. Kim
    June 22, 2017 / 2:15 PM

    Will you please introduce me to your precious Wren one day when we are all in Heaven?
    I will look forward to that glorious day!
    Doesn’t Heaven become a dearer and dearer destination!

    • Sarah | She Holds Dearly
      June 29, 2017 / 7:48 PM

      Yes, I love that you said that!

    • July 7, 2017 / 10:04 AM

      Oh my goodness, I just finished reading your entire story just now. I only read a small part last night and
      immediately sent an email to you. What a very sad time for all of you! Sarah, the way you have written this Eulogy for
      your precious Wren was so incredibly heartfelt, amazingly soft spoken through words and pictures, for all of us to read,
      I truly felt spiritually that I was there with all of you just watching silently from somewhere in your garden. I can’t express in words, I don’t think, to the five of you how so sorry I am, but I feel in my own heart that precious baby Wren felt more love around her like no other baby at that moment. Thank you dear Sarah for sharing such a private time with all of us! We have never met but have chatted via email, etc., but I do know you are one very special and blessed Wife, Mommy, and a friend to many of us!

  2. June 22, 2017 / 2:43 PM

    I am so sorry you lost your little Wren and I’m glad you shared this with us. I think it’s wonderful how you are coping with this loss as a family and I know she will always have a little place in all of your hearts.

    • Sarah | She Holds Dearly
      June 29, 2017 / 7:48 PM

      Thank you for your kind words, you are so well spoken.
      xoxo

  3. Karen K from Buffalo
    June 22, 2017 / 2:54 PM

    I never had a miscarriage, but I am feeling your pain through tears. God bless you for writing this blog & helping others to heal. Prayers & love being sent your way!

    • Sarah | She Holds Dearly
      June 29, 2017 / 7:49 PM

      Oh, bless your heart! Thank you for your love and prayers and for helping me carry this weight.

  4. Joanie
    June 22, 2017 / 2:58 PM

    I am so sorry for your loss. Been there…..back in 1985. I look forward to meeting and loving on my child in heaven someday. They will always be a part of us.

    • Sarah | She Holds Dearly
      June 29, 2017 / 7:50 PM

      Joanie, I’m so sorry you went through this, too. Thank you for understanding.

  5. June 22, 2017 / 3:04 PM

    We lost our sweet grandson when our daughter was 14 weeks pregnant. He came and the doctor let us hold him in our hands. He was perfectly formed with tiny little fingers and fingernails. He was named Jude and he was buried next to his paternal grandmother. He has 4 brothers. We visit his grave often and he has an angel and lamb that I put there and keep up. I know we will see him in Heaven. Love how you treated Wren and what a special place she will always have in your heart. Blessings and grace to you and your family.

    • Sarah | She Holds Dearly
      June 29, 2017 / 7:51 PM

      Jude’s grave sounds perfect in every way. I am so glad you were able to spend some time saying goodbye, but I know it is so hard.

      Thank you for your encouragement and sweet words to me.
      xoxo

  6. June 22, 2017 / 3:25 PM

    If you could see my tears. I am so sorry for your loss. I think you’re an amazing woman and mother and you are very strong and courageous. Carry that strength in his glory for you will one day meet your wren in heaven. Love to you and your family.

    • Sarah | She Holds Dearly
      June 29, 2017 / 7:52 PM

      Oh, Laura, you are a dear friend to me! Thank you for everything, your words go deep.

  7. June 22, 2017 / 3:34 PM

    I lost my son at 22 weeks of pregnancy and still think of him daily. I know I’ll see him again, but it feels so far away. It’s been six years now, and while the tears come less often and the pain is less intense, he will never be forgotten and has taught me to have compassion and love for others. You really never know what other people have been through, which is why it’s so important to just love. My heart breaks for you never getting to say hello to your little Gwen and still having to say goodbye. I know that pain. Know you are not alone and it will get better, but also know it’s okay to grieve and miss her, and really, you’ll never be quite the same and that’s okay too. Sending my prayers and love to you and your sweet family.

    • Sarah | She Holds Dearly
      June 29, 2017 / 7:54 PM

      Oh, bless you, sweet Sheri, 22 weeks! I so agree with you about everyone having a hard story, the world needs a lot of compassion. Thank you for your wisdom and comfort, they mean so much.

  8. What a blessing you are to share. We birthed our little girl at 21 weeks, to young to make it. I ached when the first rain hit her tiny casket. I wanted to run out and protect her. I know where you are and my prayers, our prayers, are with you and your family.

    • Sarah | She Holds Dearly
      June 29, 2017 / 7:56 PM

      Larissa, thank you for sharing your story with me, I’m so sorry you know this pain. You are good mother and I hope someday our paths will cross, not just in the blogging world. xoxo

  9. Taylor Pinkham
    June 22, 2017 / 4:15 PM

    Sweet Sarah,
    This is the most beautifully written living, loving memorial… What a gift you have, and what amazing reminders you will have each spring and summer, of your Beautiful Wren. Thank you for your vulnerability, and sharing so openly such a personal loss for you and your Family. You will never know, perhaps, the full extent of those touched, healed and inspired by your sharing. I have yet to have a baby that I carry, always a dream in my heart, so sharing with other women, is so affirming, and I believe, just how God intended us to do life together.

    • Sarah | She Holds Dearly
      June 29, 2017 / 8:00 PM

      Oh, Taylor, you are always such a beautiful encouragement to me. I’m so sorry about your baby struggles, I am going to be praying for you. There is so much we women can do build each other up, the way you have done for me.
      xoxo

  10. June 22, 2017 / 4:34 PM

    This is such a beautiful post, Sarah. I am so incredibly sorry you and family had to experience this sorrow. I can see through your words and photos that your family has true love and support for each other. The site and ceremony were just beautiful. I know you’ll see your little Wren again someday. Please hang in there and know I’m thinking about you and your family.

    • Sarah | She Holds Dearly
      June 29, 2017 / 8:02 PM

      Meg, thank you for such loving, comforting words, you are a dear friend to me. Someday, I would love to just and have tea with you on one of our porches. xoxo

  11. Ardith
    June 22, 2017 / 5:29 PM

    How remarkable is your story, your family’s story, Wren’s story? These are the most beautiful words for an incredibly sad loss, yet one that does Wren’s brief life proud. You are a deeply loving mother. You are a sister to us other women. You do us proud. God be with you, Ardith

    • Sarah | She Holds Dearly
      June 29, 2017 / 8:03 PM

      Your words bring tears to my eyes. I am speechless. I will always remember what you have said.

  12. Tonya
    June 22, 2017 / 5:41 PM

    I’m so very sorry for your loss, for your pain and heartache. Sending love, so much love.

    • Sarah | She Holds Dearly
      June 29, 2017 / 8:11 PM

      Tonya, you have a way with words. Thank you for being so kind. xoxo

  13. June 22, 2017 / 5:59 PM

    Thanks so much for sharing this. I have two angel babies myself.

    • Sarah | She Holds Dearly
      June 29, 2017 / 8:20 PM

      You are so welcome, I’m sorry you know this loss is like. Bless you, Angela.

  14. Fonda Rush
    June 22, 2017 / 8:06 PM

    I really feel for you and your family, but I must ask that you don’t pollute in tribute. Please don’t release balloons into the sky; they eventually fall to earth, complete with the string they were attached to. Animals eat these items thinking they are food, and end up filling their bellies with junk. Oftentimes, these items are not expelled leaving them in the stomach or intestines. They take the place of what should be food. It is unconscionable to knowing to pollute our land, water and air with items we know to be dangerous to wildlife. Recently I heard of a horse who was grazing. Before you know it, he or she swallowed a string. The string was attached to a Mylar balloon that still had a bit of air in it. Eventually, as the horse was chewing and swallowing, the Mylar balloon came within sight. The horse was spooked and took off. It could have injured itself terribly. After trying to rid itself of the balloon, help finally came, and it was removed along with the string that had already entered the digestive tract.

    After your balloons left your hands and they could no longer been seen, they are deemed as trash…litter…garbage. You don’t want your precious little one’s name to be associated with junk. Wren is not junk! And, her life should not be documented by throwing balloons (or any other potentially dangerous items) onto the earth.

    If you were told to pick up your trash (the balloons), chances are you won’t be able to find them in order to pick them up; however, a fish, a bird or a deer might, and they could possibly die from ingesting a balloon. Don’t let them die as your Wren did. Please.

    • Sarah | She Holds Dearly
      June 29, 2017 / 8:21 PM

      Thank you for your concern, Fonda.

  15. June 22, 2017 / 8:34 PM

    I am so very, very sorry for the loss of your precious Wren. The loss of a child is the utmost grief, a breaking of the heart that never totally heals. I lost my beautiful boy when he was 45. Not nearly enough time, even though he was grown. His loss nearly crippled me. But I have learned that profound grief and great joy can lively peacefully, side by side in the same heart. Peace to you and your husband. Peace to your remaining children and most of all, Peace to precious Wren who flew away far too soon.

    • Sarah | She Holds Dearly
      June 29, 2017 / 8:24 PM

      OH Crystal, I can’t even imagine. A son is always a son at any age. I wish I could give you a hug right now. Thank you for your words of wisdom and blessing.

  16. Jennifer
    June 22, 2017 / 9:56 PM

    Absolutely beautiful tribute, Sarah.

    • Sarah | She Holds Dearly
      June 29, 2017 / 8:24 PM

      Thank you, my sweet friend. xoxo I loved our talk a couple of weeks ago.

  17. Fran
    June 22, 2017 / 9:58 PM

    I am so very sorry for your loss. I, too, suffered a miscarriage, and then an ectopic pregnancy 7 months later. That was over 35 years ago. I want to tell you that it does get better, but I am teary writing this. I pray you feel God’s love and Jesus’ arms wrapped around you during this most difficult time. Praying for healing and comfort for you and your family.

    • Sarah | She Holds Dearly
      June 29, 2017 / 8:27 PM

      Thank you for that perspective, Fran. I love hearing from women who have gone before me. And, yes, we most definitely feel Jesus’ arms right now.

  18. Victoria
    June 23, 2017 / 1:01 AM

    I was nine weeks. At that point there was no name or reality of a baby. Nothing to bury or mourn, more an idea of a different future; what might have been.
    Last week I was clearing out old texts on my phone, appt reminders and people I haven’t spoken to for years. There at the bottom, the very last one, was the message I sent two people close to me saying that the doctor had confirmed the pregnancy and I was starving. I can’t tell you how much that hit me anew.
    I’m sorry for your loss.

    • Sarah | She Holds Dearly
      June 29, 2017 / 8:33 PM

      Grief comes in waves, doesn’t it. Nine weeks is plenty long enough to feel loss. Thank you for sharing this with me. I pray that God will bring you rest and healing, too. Yesterday, I started sorting through Wren’s things, deciding what to do with each precious item. It hit me all over again. One step at a time, I think that is the only way out of grief. . .Bless you, Victoria.

  19. Mary Kaiser
    June 23, 2017 / 1:34 AM

    I am sorry for your loss. I have also had two miscarriages, I was almost 5 months along both times. I also have 4 healthy children. They are adults now all grown and left the nest, but still remember the sadness that came with losing the 2 children. I think at the time I didn’t understand why, but I knew that god had a plan for my life and that was something that I had to endure. I am sure that God has a plan for you also and that it is all a part of it. Keeping you in my prayers.

    • Sarah | She Holds Dearly
      June 29, 2017 / 8:35 PM

      Mary, I know you understand, thank you for sharing your story with me. I wish you didn’t know this pain. Thank you for your prayers, my hope is Christ and His perfect plan for my life.

  20. June 23, 2017 / 5:22 AM

    This is so beautiful Sarah. You have a way with words, and my heart goes out to you and your family. Little Wren is so incredibly loved. Xoxo my sweet friend.

    • Sarah | She Holds Dearly
      June 29, 2017 / 8:36 PM

      Ashley, your words means so much to me. Thank you for caring so deeply.

  21. Bonnie
    June 23, 2017 / 7:32 AM

    Wren is such a beautiful name for your baby. I’m so very sorry to read of your loss of your little one. I am sitting here with tears running down my cheeks. I will be praying that the Lord will give you and your family His comfort and strength.

    • Sarah | She Holds Dearly
      June 29, 2017 / 8:37 PM

      Bonnie, you are a kindred spirit. Thank you for your love. Your prayers are making such a difference.

  22. June 23, 2017 / 8:44 AM

    I had a miscarriage a few years ago. I had not known until a few years before that how many women have miscarried, and it had surprised me–there are so many women, and it’s just not talked about.

    One thing that I had not been expecting, that made the grief return, was the hair loss that commonly comes a few months after a baby is born. That came after my miscarriage too, and I did not know it would happen. Be prepared for it in a few months.

    I also have a daughter named Wren. She is 9.

    • Sarah | She Holds Dearly
      June 29, 2017 / 8:40 PM

      Brandy, I had the same epiphany, it seems that about the half of women have had miscarriages and you would never know it. And, yes, the physical changes are frustrating, aren’t they? Sigh. This too shall pass.

      P.S. I LOVE that our daughters are both named Wren. xoxo

  23. norma vaughn
    June 23, 2017 / 9:35 AM

    GOD BLESS WREN, YOU AND YOUR FAMILY. Norma

    • Sarah | She Holds Dearly
      June 29, 2017 / 8:41 PM

      Norma, you are a dear, thank you for such a sweet comment.

  24. June 25, 2017 / 5:48 AM

    Blessings to you and your family as you find your way through this difficult time.

    • Sarah | She Holds Dearly
      June 29, 2017 / 8:42 PM

      Thank you, Suzanne, for your comforting words. They mean a lot to me.

  25. June 26, 2017 / 5:05 PM

    I am so sorry for your loss Sarah. I had been away from social media for a while and did not see your post. This was beautifully and bravely written and such a wonderful memorial to little Wren. Sending much love to you and your family.

    • Sarah | She Holds Dearly
      June 29, 2017 / 8:45 PM

      Thank you, sweet friend. You are so good to me. xoxo

  26. Tanya Hulbert
    June 26, 2017 / 9:43 PM

    My dear Sarah. You and your sweet family have been so strong, so brave. I know God has kept you in His loving arms during all this. May He continue to comfort and heal you. I know many women have been touched by your story.

    • Sarah | She Holds Dearly
      June 29, 2017 / 8:45 PM

      That is such a blessing to hear, thank you for all you have done to get me through this. xoxo

  27. June 27, 2017 / 5:44 AM

    I am so sorry Sarah. May you and your family find comfort and peace knowing you will once again hold her close in Heaven but for now she is an Angel on your shoulder.

    • Sarah | She Holds Dearly
      June 29, 2017 / 9:12 PM

      Christine, thank you for your kind words, you are a dear.

  28. Cindy in Oklahoma
    June 27, 2017 / 8:34 PM

    I am so sorry…. I’ve not experienced a miscarriage per se but did experience an ectopic pregnancy 40 years ago. It was an agonizing ordeal but though I suspected I was pregnant it didn’t feel quite the same as my previous pregnancy. I spent several days in the hospital, emergency surgery, etc… and it wasn’t until months later I fully comprehended the loss. No one really made much of it because there had been no announcement, no anticipation …so very little sympathy, if any. Such a strange time now that I look back on it. You are so blessed to have so many circling around you, holding you and your family close. Thank you for sharing such a tender part of your life. I truly believe our blessings come not only in our happiness but in our sorrow. It’s the most perplexing life truth….

    • Sarah | She Holds Dearly
      June 29, 2017 / 9:11 PM

      Cindy, I’m so sorry that was such a confusing and lonely experience. It is hard to grasp, losing something so small and yet with such potential. I pray that you have found healing and clarity. The women around me are helping so much, I will remember the difference they made and know that I can comfort others, too. And, yes, I absolutely agree about blessings in the sorrow. I read a devotional the other day that said, “Suffering burns away our shallowness.” Sad, but true, isn’t it? And depth that comes is priceless.

  29. Amanda
    June 29, 2017 / 8:43 AM

    Losing a baby is one of the greatest heartbreaks. I have 3 angel babies of my own, and am so reassured that they are up there with my loved ones and that someday I will get to hold them. You and your family will be in my prayers.

    • Sarah | She Holds Dearly
      June 29, 2017 / 9:06 PM

      I’m so sorry you lost three. Blessings to you, Amanda, and thank you your kindnesses to me. xoxo

  30. Kristine
    July 3, 2017 / 3:26 PM

    Dear Sarah,
    I’m frankly sorry for your loss. Fortunately, when life gets tough, and when you grieve, sometimes you get closer to God more than ever, because you realize that you need to rely on Him for comfort.

    The Bible is the PERFECT book to read in any situation.
    Psalm 34:18 says… ‘The Lord is close to those whose hearts are broken. He saves those whose spirits have been crushed.’
    Matthew 5:4… ‘Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.’

    I’ll keep you and your family in my prayers, but just remember: God will ALWAYS be there for you!

  31. April Jo
    July 6, 2017 / 3:22 PM

    You TRULY need to know how blessed you TRULY are. I read this and weep. Its been 25 years for me with my first. Then, I lost a twin a year later. I was 16 weeks with the first. To make a long story short, I never got to see my baby. No funeral. Nothing. To be able to do what you did, oh how my life would have been easier. I was told to get over it! I am so thankful for my husband. So thankful the Lord gave me my little one, even if for a while. To be able to hold that baby and have closer, you are truly blessed. My oldest at the time was 3. He was having a hard time with understanding what had happened. I read a book that suggested naming miscarriages in order to help grieving. We did and he got much better. Just calling it “baby” wasn’t enough for him. So glad we did that. Then my second, was a fraternal twin. I lost one but my other baby made it. He is a thriving 23 year old! But just 2 weeks ago, we talked about it. Something we don’t do much. And to see him weep………..he NEVER weeps about ANYTHING. I mean, NOTHING. And to see him weep from that hole in his heart that nothing nor nobody can fill but that twin…..of how a mother’s heart breaks. Time does heal…..some. But it never goes away. We used to celebrate each of their “Birthed Into Heaven” days, but as days, months and years have added up, not so much anymore. Its also wonderful how you have gotten the support you have gotten. That makes the journey so much easier, if anything can. In memory of Joshua David and Abigail Rose…….we wish you love <3

    • Sarah | She Holds Dearly
      July 8, 2017 / 11:19 AM

      Thank you for your heartfelt comment and for sharing your painful story. I’m so sorry you were not comforted well when you lost your first baby.:( It is so strange to lose a baby you never met and to miss them so much. Love and prayers, sweet April Jo. xoxo

      • April Jo
        July 11, 2017 / 12:50 PM

        You know, when I read your comment of how missing a baby you never got to meet ~ how strange it is…..then immediately I thought…..”If THAT doesn’t tell you that a baby is a living thing from the moment of conception, I don’t know what is!!!!” I sure hope you and your family are healing. it definitely takes time. I may not have gotten the comfort I needed, but it also gave me a bond with my husband and boys that is unspeakable. Especially with the son who had the twin. I understand better than anybody that “missing piece.” He knows that he can come to me on days that that urge is so strong.

        • Sarah | She Holds Dearly
          July 25, 2017 / 7:11 PM

          I agree. And I am glad that the Lord has provided for you in other ways. xoxo

  32. July 6, 2017 / 9:50 PM

    I’m so sorry for your loss, my dear friend. I saw it on Instagram and immediately my heart fell through my stomach 🙁 I wanted to respond only when I had a chance to truly read your story. I’m so glad you shared as I know so many women are too. Big hugs to you & prayers.
    Hugs, Jamie

  33. July 13, 2017 / 1:22 PM

    What a lovely, lovely tribute. I am so sorry for your loss. I popped over for the first time today from a link party and saw this post in your sidebar. Compelled to read. Been there…very similar situation. Older, excited children, a chance to do it all over again, head over heels in love with a baby who was not meant to be part of our earthly family. I am sending hugs, prayers and thanks to you, for sharing your heartache, at such a difficult time, so that others on the same path may read them. Kim

    • Sarah | She Holds Dearly
      July 25, 2017 / 7:14 PM

      Thank you, Kim. I’m so sorry you went through the same thing. xoxo

  34. Lacey
    September 15, 2017 / 8:06 AM

    Sarah,

    Thank you so much for sharing this so publicly. I was looking at something else on your website when this post caught my eye. Your bravery in sharing your grief is so comforting and encouraging to me, as it was not my experience. I miscarried almost a year ago (the date is coming up) and wasn’t even aware that I was pregnant at the time. Though I shared with those closest to me, I felt I couldn’t share with anyone else. It was such a deep-in-my-gut pain. The hardest part, was that the world around me kept on moving, like nothing had happened. Mine, however, was crushed. I’m so so sorry for your loss, but I’m thankful for your sharing. It’s comforting to not be alone in pain and to be reminded of the truth that we will both see our babies again. Thank you.

    • Sarah | She Holds Dearly
      September 19, 2017 / 6:16 PM

      I am so sorry that you were not loved well when you lost your baby. Miscarriage is hard enough when you do have a really good support system. I hope that this post helped you in some small way. I’m praying for you.

  35. Melesa Garrison
    November 2, 2017 / 7:45 AM

    Dearest Sarah, I started reading your blog a few weeks ago, long after this tragic event in your life. I came across this post this morning. I’m so very sorry for your loss! I lost a baby 35 yrs ago, had two beautiful girls and then miscarried 16 yrs after the first loss. Losing a child is never easy. I will never forget either loss. I started bleeding on December 24th at my sister’s house and the Dr. told me not to move, so I stayed with her for 4 days before I went in for my DNC. I had Christmas gifts that were baby related and when I got out of the hospital I remember asking for those baby things. My sister said “We put those away” I was so upset, but I know she was trying to help me. There is such an emptiness that never goes away. I know I will see this baby someday. I know he met his Daddy on March 7, 2017. I say He bc my youngest daughter told somebody (I overheard) that her brother was in heaven. I told Alexa later that we don’t know what the gender was and she said “It was a boy, Mom” I believe it was. Sometimes little ones know what we might not. I also remember people visiting me in the hospital and giving their condolences, and telling me about their losses, and I didn’t want to hear about them and their miscarriages. I was hurting and thought I couldn’t carry on. I’m sure I was being selfish and these people were just letting me know that it will be okay. I appreciate their sentiments now, but then I just wanted to curl up and die. I hope and pray that your pain eases everyday. Maybe my little boy is playing with your sweet Wren!
    God Bless you and your sweet family!

    • Sarah | She Holds Dearly
      November 7, 2017 / 10:03 AM

      Sweet Melesa,
      Thank you for sharing your story with me, I’m so sorry that happened right at Christmas and people didn’t know how to comfort you. I pray you are feeling your heart healing with time and I’m sure our babes are friends already. xoxo

  36. Melesa Garrison
    November 2, 2017 / 9:28 AM

    Sarah, I was loved well, but I just took it hard. I feel terrible that I was trying to console you and it came across as I was the one that needed love and prayers. I was just stating that I understand your loss, in my own way. Blessings to you!

    • Sarah | She Holds Dearly
      November 7, 2017 / 10:04 AM

      No, don’t feel terrible! Your story is heard and important, friend. I knew exactly what you meant. xoxo

  37. Lynda Ramage
    November 4, 2017 / 5:53 AM

    This is the first chance I’ve had to read about your precious little Wren. How sad for all of you and I pray that some time has passed to help you through it all. Like so many, I lost my first baby at six months. God was good as she had two sisters after her and they were healthy babies. We never understand the reasons but God will tell us some day. All we can do now is rely on His love and strength. This tragic experience will be something all of you will share and it will probably bring you even closer. I will lift you up that the pain isn’t so hard when you open your eyes every morning. Take care and know many people are there whether you know us or not. In His Love, Blessings, Lynda

    • Sarah | She Holds Dearly
      November 7, 2017 / 10:10 AM

      I’m so sorry to hear about your loss, Lynda. It is amazing how many women have gone through this. Thank you for all your love and prayers, things are getting better for our family as time goes on.

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